Millions of people all over the world suffer from low self-esteem and I’m one of them. We live in a society that worships the skinny, tall, successful, athletic, rich and beautiful people instead of the average healthy people. There has been some progress in this aspect of life. I have noticed more and more healthy size models. I also see the extreme side of the spectrum with obese models. So we ask why do people have low self-esteem? Is it because we are chasing a dream that is manufactured by the TV industry? Are we just too busy comparing ourselves to others and not feeling good enough? I am here to shed some light on the subject and help you understand why people have low self-esteem.
Statista.com put out a survey entitled Perception of oneself towards others in swimsuits on the beach in France in 2015, by gender. Only 5% of men and women that they look better than everybody else. It is no surprise to see that the percentages of women feeling less about themselves than others is much higher than men feeling that way. So 40% of women thought they didn’t look as good as other people, but only 18% of men thought that. When it came down to a neither being better nor worse, the higher percentage went to the men at 77% compared to 54% of women. The reason I mention this survey is that it is stereo typical for a woman to be considered to have low self-esteem over a man.
Where does this insecurity come from?
Parenting plays a role in all this, how our parents spoke to us and what they said affected our thinking. I learned a long time ago that everything you do and say affects your child. If you had siblings I’m sure you heard “why can’t you be more like your sister/brother”. I grew up hearing that and the famous “you can’t do that”. I’m sure they didn’t realize that was putting a seed in our head, and now our ego self has the mindset of ‘we aren’t good enough’. Anytime we try something and fail, we tell ourselves were not good enough.
It is perfectly normal for us growing up to seek the approval of others usually family members but some of us bring that into adulthood and that has an effect on our self-esteem. We seek out compliments and attention, not all of it is good. There is a big difference between positive compliments and attention versus negative. The people who do not understand the difference usually seek out any attention and fish for compliments. In psychology there is a direct relation between self-esteem and life satisfaction.
Low self-esteem is NOT a mental health disorder. It is however related to depression, anxiety, ADHD, and lack of confidence. Our life events and experiences from the moment we are born till the minute we die effects our mental health. It’s a compilation of our environment, society, relationships, trauma and our health. It is how we see the world and process the information in it. Pharmaceuticals to play a part in all of this as well, I know it’s not the first thing that you would think of but certain pharmaceuticals that we are prescribed does mess with her brain. If you have ever been on an anxiety or depression medication, a common side effect is lucid dreaming.
What is your core belief about yourself?
I want you to really think about this. Take time to explore your thoughts and your feelings, write them down. When you’re feeling blue try to figure out what triggered it, did this happen today or yesterday or last week? Usually something happens or is said to us to trigger these feelings. For me it is looking at my past thinking about how much time I have wasted. My daughter is six years old, so I had six years to lose all this weight and be a better role model for her. Just because your life didn’t go the way you always thought it would go does not mean that you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. All of your choices created the person you are now and brought you to the place you are in.
How Can I change this about myself?
- One step at a time, and one day at a time.
- Find positive daily affirmations that you like. You can keep them on your computer, your phone, your tablet, write it down on a notebook, write it on the mirror, or record yourself saying the affirmations.
- Read or listen to them every day.
- When you find yourself thinking negatively, just stop.
- Change negative thoughts in your mind to positive ones.
- Find positive people to be social with
- Refuse to compare yourself to others
- Accept who you are
- List your strengths
- Do the activities that you love to do
- Stop worry about what others think of you
- Exercise to boost confidence